I had known I was pregnant since three days after Christmas. One over-the-counter test, a day of waiting, a second test - both had been positive. It was completely surreal. My husband and I had decided to start trying to have a baby in November, and here it was the end of December, and - success! We waited the long week to get confirmation at the doctor's office, we had a night out (dinner and a movie), and the next day I went to work, bubbling with excitement. I had already mentioned to a few friends about my suspicions, and they were pleased to hear my test results were confirmed positive.
The symptoms had already been throwing me for a loop. I normally eat a low carb diet, at least I had been for the last 8 months. I had lost enough weight to lower my blood pressure to a healthy level, which would be important during pregnancy. That's really why I started it, but once I was pregnant, my body had other ideas. Because of the life growing inside me, I needed many more carbs than I was used to eating. If I didn't eat sweet potatoes and fruit and drink large quantities of milk (which I despise but was craving like mad), I would feel dizzy and nauseous. There were other physical changes as well, perfectly normal things like outgrowing my bra and my pants fitting weird. So to me, there was no indication that anything would be wrong. Hence why, on that Thursday, my husband and I decided to call our families and let them know the happy news.
But back to Friday. I was at work, and had been experiencing mild cramping on and off for the last few weeks. This, I had heard/read, was normal and to be expected. During one of my many visits to the bathroom that morning, I saw something strange in the water. It looked like a tiny piece of the curled skin of a yellow onion. Weird, but I didn't really about it at the time. The next time I went to the bathroom (drinking a lot, pregnant, so in the bathroom a lot that day), I noticed a lot of clear discharge that was tinged very slightly pink.
It was all I could do not to panic. After all, things like this do happen during pregnancy - for example, around week 7 or 8, when the placenta fully grows in, it's normal to have some spotting. But I was at week 6. Everything I read online said it could either be normal or something going wrong. There was really no way for me to know. So I finished my day at work and went home and took it easy, trying to relax.
The cramping got worse that night, but the discharge was still only light and pinkish, so part of me kept saying it was going to be okay. I remember laying in bed late that night, listening to one of my meditative cds and talking to it, talking to the baby quietly while my husband lay asleep. Earlier that day, before the weird discharge had started, I bought a colorful notebook and decided to start writing notes to the baby, so that I would remember everything I was thinking and feeling and would later be able to share that. There had been mention of everyone we had called, our joy and surprise, and the fact that when I was this age, around six weeks in the womb, my mother went on a roller coaster because she didn't know she was pregnant.
In bed, I continued that conversation out loud. I told the baby it was strong and it would make it because I strong and I had survived the Revolution at Six Flags Magic Mountain.I also remember saying that while I wanted this pregnancy to succeed, while I was sure that we were ready, if something was wrong, there was nothing anyone could do, and I wouldn't be angry or care for it any less.
I did a lot of slow breathing, relaxing my muscles to alleviate the cramping, and when I did finally sleep, it was deep and dreamless.
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