The Joy of Solitude

I love to be alone, I really do. I was told once by a co-worker that if I liked being alone, I was abnormal, because humans are social animals. But being around people drains me, and I have a people-intensive job. When I get home, I like peace and quiet, not parties and loud TV. On my days off, when the husband is at work, staying home by myself is positively refreshing. It's like having a little stay-cation all for me.

And I suppose I am more reclusive right now, because I gain energy and perspective by being alone. Constant human interaction just makes me tired and cranky, and while I do enjoy getting out of the house occasionally, I have often thought, "I'd rather be home curled up in bed, or watching some history channel documentary, or just taking the time to immerse myself in a new piece of music. Please, everyone, go away, and leave me alone."

Maybe this is why I have so many end-of-the-world fantasies. It's true, there are a lot of people I would miss, but if just a few of them survived the end of the world with me, and the rest of the planet was empty of humans, it would be bliss. Hard work, yes. Dangerous, yes. But bliss. It's not to say I don't place a value on human life, but I think I would be better suited to a different era, where I knew just a few people, because that's all that there were in my immediate vicinity. This modern life of having hundreds or thousands of neighbors is only bearable because I don't know many of them...and I intend to keep it that way. It's not unfriendly, it's survival.

I will say that having virtual neighbors and friends doesn't bother me nearly as much. Maybe it's because I don't have to expend any energy talking to them, so it keeps this simpler. And I can't be misunderstood, because I have the time to choose my words carefully to mean exactly what I want to say. There is no social awkwardness, no worries about conflict through mistaken meanings, just thoughts passing back and forth nice and simple and clear.

Perhaps, among humans, this does make me abnormal. But it feels normal to me.